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Frequently Asked Questions

Question 1- What happens if I request a service?

First, the pairing team will pair you with a person on the support team that best suits you: similar type of relationship, specific knowledge depending on your situation, desired gender, etc. Then, this person will contact you by the means you have chosen to start the discussion. They will listen to you and help you according to your needs. They will also be able to refer you to a professional or give you information on healthy, safe and consensual practices, or on the functioning of alternative communities. You will determine together a frequency, a time and a way to talk to each other again. You can at any time ask to change with another person from the support team or end the support relationship.

Question 2- Why aren't you professionals?

We are a peer-support organization, a bit like big brothers or breastfeeding godmothers. We offer services as members of the community and not as professionals. The support team receive formation in empathy and active listening, which allows them to offer free, voluntary support. They also have access to a list of organizations and professionals to whom they can refer you depending on the situation. In short, they offer a support, listening and information service, but do not provide a professional service.

Question 3- What type of mentoring are you offering ?

Our mentoring is different from some games that can be found in the BDSM community, in which the person in a dominant position is called "mentor", "educator" or "instructor", for example. Our helpers DO NOT PLAY with the helpers. We offer a service "based on a voluntary, free and confidential interpersonal relationship, in which an experienced person invests their acquired wisdom and expertise to promote the development of another person..." (continued from the definition of mentoring here). Not all of our matches are necessarily linked to mentoring, we offer support above all and we try to be available to you in different forms.

Question 4-How do you ensure the safety of your members and your events?

A security process is in place to ensure that members share the organization's values of health, safety and consent. It contains:

A 12-hour course corrected by two sexologists, plus practical mutual aid exercises. The formation focuses on SM Entraide and its values, active support, concepts of identity (privileges and oppressions), the bases of alternative communities (BDSM, polyamory, libertinage), understanding abuse and the practices to promote (consent positive, negotiation, non-violent communication, risk management, empowerment, etc.).
A criminal background check.
An interview to validate the concordance between the values of the organization and those of the new member. During this interview, we discuss our vision of all the aspects discussed during the training, as well as past errors and abuses.
The obligatory constitution of a circle of accountability.
The signing of a commitment to healthy, safe and consensual practices.

A private blacklist has been set up to maintain the identity of people about whom direct testimony of abuse, violence, breach of consent or crossing of boundaries has been made. People on this list can use support services, but cannot access events or membership.

A complaint management process has been put in place to manage situations that may arise concerning a member.

Question 5-Who are you?

The organization is made up of volunteer members (20 in December 2021) living throughout Quebec, of all genders, multiple origins and all types of alternative practices, including two professional members with degrees in sexology. It is administered by a board of directors made up of 5 members, including at least one person who is not a cis man and one person who is not white (in august 2023, it contained 5 members and 2 vacant posts, one non-binary person and 2 non-white people):

kitsune- Presidency(Responsible for members and the support team, formation, official documents and finances ad interim)
Madame Julie- Administration
Lily- Administration (Responsible for activities, event presence, website and visuals)
Marhea- Administration

The other members help each other out and support the board in all tasks. Some non-member volunteers may also contribute to certain activities that are not at risk.